Carly Simon Is Singing to Me

You know that song, "You're So Vain." Well, I guess I am.

Little by little, I'm starting to look older. I still don't look my age (59 in a few weeks), but telltales signs of aging are creeping up on me.

I can live with the vertical lines above my lips that make my lipstick bleed up, and I can live with the flab that waves under my arms. And I can live with the purple veins on the sides of my knees. But when I saw more of those purple veins on the backs of my legs, I reached for the phone and called my dermatologist.

Technically, they are not varicose veins. They are capillaries, and I can live without them, according to Dr. Freer. To get rid of them, he injects them with something (can't remember what - saline?) that collapses them.

I had the procedure done today. I think of it as my first step toward cosmetic surgery. I lay on the table in his office, he filled a syringe, and punctured me in all (I hope, I haven't looked at my legs yet) the spots that were purple. Then he taped a cotton ball over each spot, and wrapped an Ace bandage around each leg, from below my knee to above it. The Ace bandages will keep pressure on the injection sites, to keep the capillaries from filling up again. I have to wear the bandages for three days.

Driving home, the injection sites stung, but it was pain I could live with. Gradually, the pain has subsided, and what's left as I write this are two legs wrapped like mummies with knees that can't bend too well. I'm not supposed to get the bandages wet, so I'll be taking sponge baths.

I made sure that this would be a non-dancing weekend. I got a lot of merengue out of my system last weekend. Tonight I'm in, and I'll prop my mummy legs up on the couch while I watch Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice. Tomorrow night I'll wear slacks to dinner at a friend's house then four of us are going to see the University for Peace's production of The Vagina Monologues. Saturday will be tough because it's summer here, and hot during the days. I'm going to the Democrats Abroad picnic and I'll have to wear long pants to cover the bandages. And on Sunday I'll expose my legs for the first time at Olga's birthday party.

I never thought I'd opt to change my appearance as I aged. I'm still not running out to lift the turkey wattle under my chin, but cosmetic surgery is no longer out of the question. I live in one of the cosmetic surgery centers in the world. People come here from all over to have work done, at very low prices. The kicker is that today's visit cost $61, but after insurance pays me 80% back, I'll have gotten rid of those unsightly purple veins for only 12 bucks and a little discomfort.